Ripped pants
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: A spongebob/'Ripped pants' parody. Mable is tired of Dipper dragging his feet with Wendy, and tries to force him to be more proactive...with disastrous consequences for Dipper's dignity... inspired by ' FunnyTina677'


**Ripped Pants**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **AN: this story is a reward to FunnyTina677 for doing my challenge**

...

It was a fun day at the beach...teenagers frolicked, kids ate ice-cream, the Gobbelwonker ate beavers...yes, very peaceful...at least that's what Wendy and Dipper thought as they swam in the surf together.

"Best day with my favorite boy! What more could a girl ask for?!" Shouted Wendy excitedly as she scooped up Dipper from the surf and gave him a hug. Dipper flustered as he felt her body through her red one-piece...

"H-hey, Wendy?" Asked Dipper out-loud...building up his nerve to ask her something important. "Huh, what is it?" Asked Wendy.

Dipper's blush became more pronounced as he hiked up his swim trunks, "Uh...I was just wondering..." Dipper sighed, "would you like to get something to eat?" He asked chickening out.

Wendy shrugged and she and a now very melancholy Dipper went and did just that.

Meanwhile, Dipper wasn't the only one feeling melancholy...

Mable, rocking a nice pink one-piece watched from afar and shook her head. "Dang it Dipper, your never going to get anywhere with Wendy if you keep chickening out...what you need is a game-changer...and who better to give you one then ME! MABLE! Gravity Falls # 1 matchmaker!

She watched as Wendy found herself enticed into a weight-lifting contest by one of her friends. Dipper...trying to look cool(and failing miserably as usual), joined in.

Mable groaned...this was NOT going to be pretty.

Wendy, naturally had no problem...Dipper on the other hand.

 _"DON'T BLOW THIS DIPPER! WENDY'S WATCHING!"_ Thought Dipper to himself as he struggled to lift up some weights...he struggled, oh how he struggled, he threw his whole body into it-

 **RIP!**

The loud ripping noise echoed across the field, everyone gasped in surprised. Dipper's eye's traveled cautiously to his backside. Not having much choice, he was forced to turn around to see what had happened...displaying a rather large hole in the back of his swim-trunks, exposing his A-hole to everyone.

Naturally, everyone- including Wendy and Mable -broke out into laughter. Humiliated, Dipper covered the hole and runs away.

A random guy walks over to Wendy, "That was too funny! That kid is hilarious!" Wendy nodded, "Ain't he the funniest little guy you ever saw!?"

Mable heard this...and she got an idea! "That's it! Laughter! Who can say no to a person asking for a date while their making her laugh? You can never have too much laughter after all! I'll have Dipper make Wendy laugh again! And have him ask her out then! Good idea, Mabel. Thanks, Mabel!" She says to herself.

...

Dipper frantically hide behind a water barrel next to a on-going game of volley-ball...desperately avoiding Wendy as she searched for him nearby.

"Now's your chance bro! Go for it!"

"GAH!" Shouted out Dipper startled, he turned to Mable who'd snuck up behind him. "Mable, don't do that!...actually, good thing your here, I need you to get me my clothes!"

"Yeah...about that...how about instead you rip your trunks again and use Wendy's laughter as the opportunity you need to ask her out!"

Dipper looked at her dumbly, "Mable...did you eat sugar packets again?"

"That's not the point, point is, go for it!"

Dipper just shook his head, "Look, Mable I can't deal with this right now. I'm cutting my losses for the day, if your not going to help then leave! I can't afford you drawing attention to me!" Dipper went back to looking for an escape route...

Mable just frowned as her mind raced. _"He wants to ask her out...but he's too sacred...maybe he needs a little push. Another good idea Mable! Thanks again Mable!_

Suddenly Dipper felt her sisters hands on his shoulders, and her whisper on her ear. "Brother, whatever happens I just you need to know something: this is for your own good."

"Wait, what!?" Shouted Dipper as he suddenly found himself tossed into the middle of the volley ball game, right in the path of a ball!

 **RIP!**

And that's how Dipper ended up flat on his face, rear in the air, tear in his trunks now even bigger showing everyone his SCRAWNY A-hole.

Naturally, everyone- including Wendy -laughed. Mable quickly runs to Dipper, "Dipper quick! She's laughing! Ask her out, hurry!"

Dipper just glares at her, "Mable would you PLEASE just leave me alone!?" Shouts Dipper as he runs away, covering his hole humiliated. "Dipper! No, come back! Your blowing your chance!" Shouts Mable as she runs after him.

Robbie, seeing a good opportunity to hurt his nemesis immediately threw a Frisbee at Dipper, clonking him good-

 **RIP!**

Dipper once more ended up flat on his face, his rear in the air, tear even bigger. Exposing his PASTY-WHITE, scrawny, CHEEKS to everyone.

Once more everyone laughed, Dipper! You still got a chance! Come on bro-bro! I can only do so much! You need to meet me half-way here if were gonna do this!"

Dipper snarled at her, "do I SERIOUSLY need to explain to you why I don't want to talk to Wendy when I'm almost naked!?"

Now most people would agree at this point would agree that this was a terrible plan and cut their losses...Mable wasn't most people. Her natural 'Pine's stubbornness' was kicking into overdrive. Which would be great if the current situation was supernatural battle of wills...not so much for a social situation involving her brothers dignity...

Mable rolled her eyes impatient, "FINE! I'll go the extra mile! Never say I don't do anything for you!"

Before Dipper could stop her, she was dragging him to a ice cream vendor in front of everyone. "Hey, we'd like a banana split!" Shouted Mable.

"Uh..we don't serve that." Stated the Vendor awkwardly. Mable laughed, "That's okay! My bro just SPLIT his pants!"

"Please help me." Said a mortified Dipper.

"Uh, okay...anything else?" Asked the increasingly uncomfortable Vendor. "Sure! RIPPLE!" Shouted Mable as she forcibly split Dippers trunks in front of everyone. "No thanks! We already got them!"

Mable was swept up in the laughter! She started to run back-and-forth forcibly dragging a humiliated Dipper along-

"Do you know what would taste great with that? RIPPED PANTS!" RIP!

"RIPPED PANTS ALA-MODE!" RIP!

"Anyone order 20 orders of RIPPED PANTS!" RIP!

Mable was having such a good time that she didn't notice when the laughter started becoming uncomfortable...and forced.

"MABLE!" Mable turned around to see an angry Wendy coming at her. Oblivious to this, Mable smiled, whispered to Dipper that his chance had come, ripped his poorly abused trunks/rags one last time and tossed Dipper into Wendy's hands.

Dipper just sniffed as Wendy held him tight, "Wendy...would you please just take me home?"

"What? Dang it Dipper I- "SHUT UP MABLE!" Snapped Wendy at a surprised Mable. "Seriously Mable it was funny the first- She suddenly shook her head. "Actually, you know what? No, it was NEVER funny. And frankly, I'm a bitch for ever laughing at Dipper."

She whispered a quick apology to her distraught friend, and he said he'd let it go if he could just get some clothes. Wendy nodded, gave one last angry glare at Mable and left.

Mable just looked around baffled, "Wha...my plan failed?" Suddenly, Robbie was beside her, "It didn't fail...you just need to freshen up your act." Said Robbie with a smirk.

Mable nodded and smirked, "Your right! And I know just how to do that!" she suddenly ran forward as Robbie cackled evilly.

She jumped up to Dipper and Wendy, "Hey everybody! Not Ripped pants!

 **RIP!**

"PANTS RIPPED OFF!" Shouted Mable as she successfully ripped off Dipper's trunks in front of everyone. "SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE! THERE'S A PANTS THIEF ON THE LOOSE!"

This time...No one laughed(except Robbie). Bad enough Dipper was now naked...but even worse was that before that he'd been enjoying the guilty pleasure of being once more squeezed against Wendy's bosom...and was currently showing his tiny boner to everyone.

Robbie laughed, "Hey twerp! Looks someone hit you with that shrink-stone and made you the size of a two year old!" He mocked.

Mable just turned Wendy, "Okay, you know what!? I'm just going to ask you out for him! Come on! He's funny, right?" She smiled at the two of them-

 **CRACK!**

 **I HATE YOU!**

Screamed Dipper as he struck Mable and ran away in tears...

 **WHACK!**

 **JERK!**

Shouted Wendy as she stamped down on Mable's stomach numerous times...

Wendy then walked over to Robbie, "And don't think I didn't notice you jerk! I think the 'pants thief' is about to get another victim!" Before Robbie could stop her, his trunks are ripped clean off...and just like that...the laughter was back...except Wendy...she was busy running after poor Dipper...

And of course...a black eyed Mable lying flat on her back in the sand wasn't laughing either...

...

Mable sighed, no one was talking to her and she hadn't seen Wendy or Dipper for hours...she sighed. "We blew it Mable."

"What do you mean we?" Said the Mable in her head as she caused her thought balloon to vanish in a huff.

Mable put her head in her hands, "Oh, I didn't have to make Dipper a fool to impress Wendy...better yet I could've just minded my own business! AM I THE BIGGEST LOSER ON THE BEACH!?"

"Yep." Said Pacifica as she randomly walked by and out of this story...

"No, I'm the biggest loser on the beach, I forgot sunscreen." Said a grossly burnt up woman.

"Ouch." Sympathized Mable.

"No, I'm the biggest loser on the Beach...I got sand in my buns." Said a man who bent over and was about to pull down his trunks to show-

"NO! That is fine! We believe you! Stay dressed, PLEASE!" Snapped Mable quickly.

Suddenly the ground beneath her shook and a giant Aioshima popped out of the ground, "No, I'm the biggest loser on the beach. They buried me here and forgot about me."

"Wait, how dose that make you a loser? If anything it sounds more like your friends are just inconsiderate jerks." Points out Mable.

"Huh...never thought of it like that...that actually makes me feel better, thank you." Said the Aioshima grateful.

"What happened to you?" They all asked Mable.

Mable sighed, "I lost two of the most important people in my life." "How?" They all asked.

Mable grabbed a conveniently placed guitar...and started a song.

 _When I ripped_ \- She paused to rip her one-piece - _HIS pants.._

 _I thought I could win her onto his side, but then I went and blew it. All Sky-high._

 _And now he won't even give me a passing glance. All because I_ \- Paused to rip her suite again - _Ripped HIS pants._

The losers began to sing with her. "Wait, how do we know this song?" "SHHHHH! WERE LIVE! JUST ROLL WITH IT!"

 _When Dipper never seemed to do anything but bring himself down. Mable turned him into a clown._

 _And no Brother ever wants to dance with a fool who went and_ \- Paused to rip shorts - _ripped HIS pants._

Mable sang again.

 _I know NOW I shouldn't mess around. I shouldn't involve myself in others fuss. But the pain feels so much worse._

 _Cause winding up with no one is a lot less fun then a burn from the sun-_

The losers sang again.

 _-Or sand in your buns!_

...

Meanwhile, Wendy was making out with a nearly naked Dipper. His modesty covered by nothing save for a rubber ducky inner-tube.

It's then that they heard Mable's song, Dipper rolled his eyes. "Oh goodie, a 'feel-good, Aesop-heavy, heartwarming melody that's supposed to magically make everything okay again' song."

Wendy shared his disdain as she also rolled her eyes, "Yeah, like we don't see enough of those already." She snarked.

Their was an awkward pause..."So ARE you going to forgive her?" Asked Wendy.

Dipper went into deep thought, "I don't know...on the one hand she horribly humiliated me...on the other hand...she did bring us together...in a roundabout way 'off-screen' way..."

"Your not gonna tell her that last part, are you?"

Dipper snorted. "Good blood, no! No way I'm encouraging this behavior!...in fact...if you could kindly pretend were not a couple for a couple more days..."

Wendy nodded, "Whatever it takes to keep Mable from doing something like this again." She affirmed.

Dipper nodded appreciatively, then frowned. "Well...honestly, I don't want to stay mad at Mable...but I also don't want her to think I'm just a 'doormat'"...

And then it hit him, he smugly whispered to Wendy, who nodded, and together they went to see the end of Mable's song...

...

And you won't end up like the girl who ripped HIS pants- They all rip themselves to the sound of thunderous applause.

Mable smiles as the whole beach applauds...and then she sees her brother and Wendy. "Dipper!" She shouts excitedly as she runs to him.

Dipper quickly finishes some last minute quantum stitching calculations, and quickly holds his hand up. Stopping Mable in her tracks.

"First of all Mable; Good song. Second; here's the thing: Mable you know more about girls then me. I don't contest that. More importantly; I will not contest that I will probably need that advice." Mable smiles.

-However, that dose NOT give you an excuse to run wild. I won't ask you to stop being YOU, we love YOU. But you need to learn to reign it in; know when to NOT get involved in other people's business- Or failing that, at least know when to 'know when to fold them' when a plan is clearly bad...okay?"

Mable frowns at the anvilicious Aesop sentence that just hit her...but nodded.

"Okay...that's..fair...we cool then?" She asked cautiously.

"Hold that thought." Said Dipper as he takes one more look at Mable and compares it to his calculations, he nods in satisfaction.

He then turns to Wendy, "Hey Wendy wasn't their something you wanted to ask Mable?" he asked giving her their 'zip across the mouth' code.

Wendy quickly copies it with a smile and turns to Mable, "Mable that song was righteous! Would you sign my swimsuit?" She asks as she gives her a pen and bends over.

Mable smirks, "absolutely buddy." She then bends down to oblige-

 **RIP!**

Her swimsuit then rips off completely, leaving her completely naked on-stage. "Okay, were cool." Said Dipper with a smile as a humiliated Mable covers herself as the crowd wolf-whistles and cheers...

...…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


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